Yahweh is Gangster AF
Y’all! The God of the Israelites is Gangster AF — for realz!
Ain’t but a few things annoy the shit out of me like contempt prior to investigation. I can’t stand when some ignorant ass comes at me about what they don’t like (especially when it’s me) and they haven’t even bothered to read through or check out the material. I can tell, ‘cause the criticism be vague AF and driving at one or two cherry-picked examples, don’t add up to shit much less the overall experience of the thing.
Come to find out, I been guilty of that shit myself. I’ve been hating on Judeo-Christianity knowing dick about it. My knowledge of the Bible is Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar, and whatever Cecil B. DeMille decided was worthy of the silver screen. Other than that, it’s been hearsay. So, instead of staying willfully ignorant, I decided to read the Bible—cover to cover.
Y’all! God be hating! Like out of the 26 books I’ve read so far, 17 of them mo’ fo’s is either about God kicking ass, promising to kick somebody ass or telling people what they gotta do if they don’t wanna another ass whooping. God is like “You better give me my money, bitch!” I swear his shit is like a drug lord usually taking out whole families and regular like ending in genocide.
A few years ago when Islamophobia was all the rage, I actually accepted, not as logical, but I could follow the train of thought that hooked fear of Muslims to violence in the Quran might o’ been wove into the fabric of they society. Maaaaaybe. Now? Fuck no. Anybody afraid of Islam and not shitting they pants on the daily over what some fundamentalist Christians might do, is not only a frigging hypocrite, but just a dumb ass. No offense to donkeys.
The Bible is a scary, scary book. I do not recommend it for kids at all. It is not queer-friendly. It ain’t feminist (even with Deborah leading an army in Judges). It do not show God in a very good light if His ass is supposed to be a father figure. If this was a custody trial, He would not get the kids and might end up catching a murder rap. My dad beat my ass, but was Mr. Fucking Rogers next to the God of Abraham.
I’m gonna withhold judgement ‘til I’m done before I post my review. No spoilers! I have my doubts the authors are gonna be able to dig they way out of this one.
