Didn’t Date Me ‘Cause I’m Black!
I think he didn’t wanna date me ‘cause I’m black, y’all — for realz!
Okay, not for real “for realz” but that’s the kinda shit 400 years of oppression does in the area romance, fo’ sho! I was dating a sweet dude and he decided it was better we stay friends. There was half a dozen reasons I could name straight up—not least a’ which is I’m married AF. Polyamory aside, we hit it off and it looked like things was moving in that direction but then suddenly things got complicated and the brakes got pulled.
I wish I didn’t have that nagging question, but I had to be honest. I put it out there so’s it wouldn’t fester like a boil in what could be an awesome friendship. That’s the kind of shit that comes out in passive aggression when you least expect it. Instead of biting his head off one day over dinner when he asks me to pass the pepper (“Bitch, who you calling pepper?!”) I just told him I was getting the racial “feelz.”
He was cool about it, but just happened to mention the obligatory “black relative” who he had a meaningful relationship with. He immediately apologized for pulling the “my best friend is black” card and peddled his ass back a few yards. “I’m not saying...” blah, blah—but actually that is what he was saying. He ain’t have to mention it, but he did. He was defending his anti-racism stance.
I was like, “Look, I don’t own the conversation about race, anymore than you are instantly axed from the convo ‘cause you look white. It makes sense to explain where you are when it comes to race. Some people at zero whiles others been forced to consider race or perish. Take my friends Kera and Meredith, two white women raising a black son. They know a little more than a person who act like they never met a black person.”
That’s really how I feel. I probably was letting him off easy, but I do think it’s racist to assume people experience with race based on how they look. I’m sure I’mma get chewed out for saying that shit, but it’s how I feel and I’m entitled to my friggin’ opinion. He was like “I’mma quote you the next time somebody come for me for being white and having an opinion about race.” I said, “Don’t put my name in it. That’s an ass whoopin’ you gonna have to take by your damn self!”
