High-Heeled Evolution
I got caught with my heels in my mouth, y’all — for realz!
I’m gonna be honest: I’m embarrassed AF by how much of my gender transition story is getting told through my wardrobe. I’m like, “Does this make me shallow that I f*cking love these so-called women’s clothes so damn much?” Even working to reject many of the socially imposed ideas of gender, especially the whole passing and realness thing—where you can only be a real girl if you look like you fell off the cover of Vogue—doesn’t keep me from the allure of feminine accoutrement. I love regular trips to the salon, slathering myself with Shea butter and other luxurious product; and the cling of form-fitting clothes around my goddess frame is empowering AF.
Recently, I got ever so lovingly called out—not so much called as pointed—over my affinity for high-heeled shoes. I was breaking in a new pair of heels (a five-inch patent leather platform ankle boot) and decided to show off, posting a video of it. Stepping into my gender, I hadn’t connected the heels I’ve envied women wearing so freely (irony) to Sunday brunches, job interviews, professional engagements, or just frigging walking the dog, were exactly the kinds of shoes women have been rejecting for the last fifty years as a gendered symbol of oppression. I was like, “well that ruined that!” Then I was like “Wait a second.” Me rocking pumps cannot amount to nothing more than me giving up the ground the feminist movement has fought hard to gain. There has to be more to wearing heels than dressing like a “girl” is supposed to dress.
I’m not sure how heels became such a female obligation. When the ancestor of the modern high-heel shoe was introduced four hundred years ago, they had the practical purpose of keeping Persian cavaliers in the saddle, securing their feet in the stirrups while they waged war. This is funny to me since my friend Kim Morera, whose comment led to my sole-searching, was a horse trainer for years and ran a horse farm. After that, heels became a masculine fashion trend made popular by French royal Louis XIV. Queen Elizabeth was the first female to famously front a heel. She insisted on it to demonstrate her equality to men! Can you believe that? Elizabeth was the real drag queen.
Over four hundred years, heels evolved from literal battle gear, to becoming a status symbol of masculinity, power and wealth, with extreme shoe heights topping a meter, until they became the modern shorthand for ultra-femininity. On the way they served other practical purposes, like keeping people’s feet out of the shit and filth that covered the streets (before we figured out how to pump all that sewage into our water supply). It took three of the four centuries of their existence for high heels to become a women’s thing. I’m not detracting from the oppression intended in a pair of stilettos. I’m just noting there was a progression and at each stage, the shoes retained some of the previous meaning. However submissive one considers the wearing of a heel, it is still a pedestal.
For me heels aren’t just embracing a gender norm. Yes, I see heels as a feminine expression. For me heels have always, since the first time I slipped on a pair from my mother’s closet, been outlaw wear. My heels break rules. They also hurt my feet just like everyone else, especially if they aren’t well-made as most of the heels I wore when I was calling it drag. I don’t want my choice if shoes to be a trigger for others. I don’t, however have any plans to stop wearing them. It’s gonna take a lot of time to unpack. After a lifetime of taking my gender for granted, I expect there is more to uncover. I’m just growing into myself and I’m not gonna start the process by telling myself “no” every a desire happens to mirror the status quo.Y’all just gonna have to give a goddess some slack.
