Is Fat Phobia the New Black
Just because it’s not fat, don’t make it fat phobic, y’all — for realz!
A friend of mine spent a fair part of the shelter in place period over the last 18 months doing a daily home workout. It’s resulted in significant weight loss. I’m not sure that was the point (it likely was not), but it happened just the same. Her (yes this was a cis woman—a Black cis woman) muscles got more toned, she likely raised her metabolism, and she was probably prone to less body fat. That’s just what happened. Good for her.
Accept it wasn’t exactly good for her for everyone. She decided to post about her progress. I was frankly inspired by her. I know my body became de-conditioned during COVID-19 from lack of regular activity. I like walks, I like the community of group workouts (it’s the closest I get to being in a dance class). My friend posting that progress was breaking her own isolation, offering a point of connection, and countering messaging about the health statistics for people of color. Not everyone was impressed. In fact, my friend heard from some social media followers that her posting her daily routine was a form of fat shaming.
Hold the phone.
I get that we live in a culture that tells us thin is good, while fat is bad. I get that as a person whose weight has fluctuated from so-called obesity, to appearing anorexic. I get it. I also understand that not everyone who is trying to stay “fit” has the primary concern of their appearance. For example, I go bike riding several times a week with my neighbor who is 67 years old and a two-time cancer survivor. Her “fitness” is essential to maintaining her health.
I get that fat phobia is real and pervasive—as are Black phobia, and “fem” phobia (among cis gay men). I also understand that every time someone chooses to date a non-Black person, it is not necessarily a demonstration of their racism. Even when it is a discriminatory choice, it’s not always a conscious one. People follow fashion. Even people who are knowledgeable about the way bias is manufactured, will follow trends. No one is completely impervious to outside influences that tell us what’s what (deceptive as that telling may be).
All this to say, let’s not get so hell-bent on eradicating every action that moves us in the direction of a dominant cultural standard. In and of themselves, these are not anti-revolutionary and anti-inclusive actions. When that is the case it just becomes another bias—anti-normativity. Also, I note that the folks who scream the loudest about being inclusive, are often people who fall well within societal norms. I further note that those people tend to gather, in their off-time from social justice activism, almost exclusively with other people who meet well-centered standards.
I admit, I experience the urge to reshape myself in the image of my own oppression. I live the real world. I want to be able to function within it well enough to fend for myself. I don’t want to have anymore hostility directed towards me than is already the case because I’m queer, Black, fem-prone and neurodivergent. It’s no different than people with the means sending their children to the absolute “best” school they can manage. One of the marks of sobriety is being able to adjust to conditions as they are, doing what one can reasonably manage to shift those conditions.
I’m not apologizing for oppression. This shit is fucked up. It’s also not the work of oppressed people to change the minds of their oppressors. I’m just trying to get some joy out of this life. I want to feel good about myself and I want to belong. I want those things with the least possible effort. I also have to work with the tools at hand, at least until I’m in a position to develop new tools. I’m probably stating the obvious, but sometimes the obvious needs repeating. If you see me making bad choices to be more “acceptable” to the mainstream, don’t hate me…date me instead.
