BBC (Not British Television)
The dating apps are a breeding ground for racism and rudeness, y’all — for realz!
In a post-racial world (this is where someone in the back row coughs into their fist the word “bullshit”) I’m shocked at the level of ignorance (almost willful) about identity (specifically Black identity) that continue. People are not concerned, for example, about requesting “Whites only”, “Masculine only”, or “fit only” seemingly unaware of how hostile it makes a space that should be safe for folks already marginalized because they are queer and/or wanna engage in a little casual interaction (including sex) in an affirming space. I already made a list of examples I’ve spotted, but right now I wanna focus on the acronym BBC!
I ain’t talking about the British Broadcasting Corporation (whose programming has brought some damn fine entertainment). I am talking about the near slur that proclaims a preference for big Black [word starting with C that means penis]. There’s no way in hell you can’t know that expresses some offensive and racists mess. The perpetuation of the stereotype that Blacks are naturally well endowed might not seem like a bad thing, except for the fact that it is a fantasy of White people used to other (and often demonize) Black men. It’s lead to mass paranoia that White women where gonna abandon themselves to the carnal lust of Balckness. To prevent that (or at least that was the way Whote women were made the villains in sex-related Black subjugation. Also, a big penis on a slave likely meant they’d make a better stud (and that they probably enjoy the role!)
[Trigger warning].
I get images of violently abducted and enslaved Africans standing on an auction block (that shit is triggering AF). The term firmly establishes an understanding of Black people’s existence as objects for the use and amusement of Whites. I sure as hell have never seen a profile created by Black users of these apps requesting BBC. Neither have I seen anyone requesting BWC (although the term has come into use by White people describing their own endowment).
Specifying BBC is awful…period. It does, however, make apparent to anyone seeking to avoid the cluelessly (or insensitively) racists jerks out there. The horror for me is finding myself in an intimate moment with a non-Black person when, from the blue, in their “passion” cries out, “Give me that big Black c***!” That’s some f’ed up bait and switch bullshit. Imagine in the midst of engaging an Asian person in some carnal fun shouting out “Solve me Fu Manchu!” Consider sex with someone Italian and exclaiming, “Make me some spaghetti, Chef Boyardee!” It’s not okay. It’s demeaning AF.
In the realm of fantasy, it’s okay to play out the taboo. With sex-play and other kinks, acting out even a scenario that involves an actual “slave” revenging the selves (or even exploring submissiveness) against a White person is okay (at least I’ve engaged in such play). That’s, for me, a cool thing about kink: it is something out of bounds that both partners enter willingly with negotiation and clear boundaries. It’s cool clarifying what one wants in a sexual engagement. “I have a kink fantasy, where I’m being mauled by a Black person”, it empowers the other person to say “not interested.” I sure f*ckly don’t want to find myself in the middle of someone’s “fantasy” without my consent.
Even pursuing kink, there’s no need to use BBC. That’s just a way to avoid stating up front that they are into “race” play (not sure that’s a term, but it damn well should be). That would be cool in my opinion. That would give enough information to draw the curious to discover what that person is into, without singling out one particular group—one that is already, and often violently, singled out. So, yeah, stick up there in your profile, “I am looking for someone willing to help me act out my internalized racism through role-play.” I got no beef. Just call the shit what it is.
I made be out on the limb alone and I’m okay with that. Otherwise, please discuss. Have at it, y’all.
