Alone on Christmas 2021
I’m alone on Christmas Day, y’all — for realz!
Talk about the margins. I just tried to make a quick run to the grocery store. It’s Christmas morning. I don’t celebrate Christmas, which is part of another story (one for the book). I don’t even thinks it’s a first. I’m humble enough to recognize today as significant in my society of choice. Choice, as in I haven’t made much effort to leave, while admitting I have gifts (talents, friends, and resources) to get me anywhere I wanted to go and support me if I did. So, choosing to be this Westerner, while I avoid custom carries meaning, especially as I’m choosing to share my thoughts about it. I get it. I’m a heretic.
Take this as a holiday greeting as well as a reminder that these holidays can oppress as much as they liberate from routine. That’s not new. What needs acknowledgment is that all my internal oppressors step in where bosses and commutes leave off. I can be the most triggering company on days like this. I’m finding ways to keep the day and myself sacred. Bringing the “holiness” back. I’ll take a moment to fill my own cup to the rim before more sipping here and there of service daily. I’m gonna give myself a break and extend the same to others.
I wanna call it a day of reflection, but truth, I’m finally getting to read the play I’ll be directing in a month (more on that in another post). I started out with a recovery meeting and then Walking Dead. I tried a grocery run and failed closed market after another. I pulled out the play to read and then started this post. An Ohio Domme is having a Festivus gathering and, my growing interest in kink culture (more on that, another time), I’m considering a drive to Cleveland.
I frame myself alone on Christmas Day. I’m not alone. I’m in the world and that shit is packed! I am taking time to be on my own. Partially, I’ve been overstimulated and just need to turn everything off for a moment. Doing that on the day feels like protest so I call my Dad who does his best, but gets my gender wrong. My brother does a better job. The next day with in-laws I am called by my dead name and “he” and everyone is tripping. I fail to answer to my own name. Taking a time out for Christmas Day, to be myself seems fair.
The Goddess has been kind to Pink and I certainly have a lot for which to be grateful. I take credit for only my small part, but I am accepting the boons and paying them along in goddess (little goddess that I am) fashion. I am expressing gratitude in the ways I can. Likely not enough. I am in a beautiful rustic space with everything I need and many friends with whom to share abundantly. I have a support system of chosen family, mentors, professionals (like doctors) giving me world class care. I am getting myself for Christmas! I couldn’t ask for anything else. I am enough. I do enough. I am worthy or I wouldn’t be here. The universe doesn’t have time for that.
I hope you are all well and happy.
—Notorious Pink
